TheTrenchcoat Chronicles

Tag: Christmas

  • Trench expounds on Christmas

    This story actually happened last week and really didn’t garner that much attention but It gives me a chance to educate everyone on the sham that is Christmas.

    Anyway, it seems that some people with pre-wadded panties at UNC-Chapel Hill got their noses bent because the school library had a tradition of displaying Christmas trees. They said they were offended at the ‘Christian’ display. Which of course resulted in the Christians being offended over the heathens being offended. Now let this Christian set everyone straight.

    Both sides are 100% wrong.

    How is that possible you ask? Well, there’s more than two sides of a story. In this case, there’s my side, or as I like to call it…the truth.

    Either side who thinks a Christmas tree is a Christian symbol is dead wrong. The decorating of trees was originally a Pagan practice. After the Roman Emperor Constantine embraced Christianity the Empire sought to stomp out other religions. Christmas came about when the Empire decided to celebrate Christ’s birth rather than the Pagan winter celebration so they co-opted many of their winter traditions into Christmas.

    Speaking of Constantine and Christ’s birth, Christ was not born on December 25th. Again the Pagan winter festival was co-opted. One theory even states that December 25th was Constantine’s birthday. Early Christians celebrated the baptism of Jesus on January 6th on the feast of the Epiphany.

    So basically Christians who celebrate Christmas are basically celebrating a Pagan festival or the birthday of Constantine. Take your pick.

    On the other hand, if you’re faithless and you exchange presents with someone on December 25th you really shouldn’t call it Christmas. Say happy winter solstice or something like that since the word Christmas is from Middle English and means Christ’s Mass.

    After the reformation, some Christian faith’s didn’t even celebrate Christmas and Easter was considered the high holy day of Christianity since it was the Resurrection of Christ.

    So in conclusion Christmas sucks, I hate it, bah humbug, and I wished the Grinch had killed the Whos.

    freakin

     

  • The Master wishes you a Metal Xmas

    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCJRq3Y9Seo&hl=en_US&fs=1&&w=480&h=385]

    All hail his name. m/

  • The Trench Reynolds Charity

    The Trench Reynolds Charity


    If I could get serious for a moment…

    (lights dim and soft music plays)

    My name is Trench Reynolds. And we here at The Trench Reynolds Internet Media Empire start thinking about giving during this time of the year. So we’ve come up with a program to help needy children.

    You see, thousands of inner-city youths do not have proper clothing for winter, nor do they have any training to learn a trade. That’s where we come in.

    For just a small donation of $50, you can send an underprivileged youth on an excursion to Alaska, where they will learn to club baby seals and skin them. They will also be given to know how to make their own coat out of the baby seal skin.

    For a donation of $100, they will be taken on a whaling excursion where they will harpoon their own whale or possibly dolphin.

    And if you become a golden double secret extra crispy member by donating $500, one special child will know the joys of throwing toy poodles into a chipper shredder.

    So please make all checks out to Club All Seals Heavily. Or just use the acronym CASH. So please give today because a live baby seal means a child is without a coat. Thank you.

    The preceding was brought to you by Politically Incorrect Sarcasm Serving Offended Frumpy Families (PISSOFF). Which means this is a joke and don’t send me any hate mail.