TheTrenchcoat Chronicles

Blog

  • GTA: Grand Theft Assclowns

    GTA: Grand Theft Assclowns

    Teens Plead Guilty to Highway Shootings:

    Thanks to zombyboy for bringing this one to my attention.

    So these two assclowns in Tenn., ages 14 and 16, decide to shoot up I-40 with a .22 because they were bored and decided to shoot at tractor-trailer rigs, just like in the video game, Grand Theft Auto.

    At what point did both of them think this was a good idea? What makes this worse is that as juveniles, they can only be held until they’re 19. A man is dead, and they’ll walk free in 3 to 5 years with their records expunged, probably.

    Now, let’s get to the point where I ask and what kind of parents allow their kids to play GTA. This is a game for adults. Any idiot can clearly see that by looking at the box. Having sex with hookers and then killing them and taking their money is not something that should be played by 14 to 16-year-olds.

    Obviously, another case of parents not getting too involved with their children. Not to mention why they didn’t keep the guns locked up. As far as I’m concerned, the parents should be up on charges too, but God forbid people actually take responsibility anymore.

    How long before someone sues Rockstar Games? Anyone?

  • Spider-Man Song

    Spider-Man Song

    For a while, now, Little Jay and I have been making up these stupid little songs that crack us up, and I thought I would share one with you. This one is actually the first in a series. Every time we hear a phrase or occupation that ends with the suffix “man” we automatically start singing the Spider-Man theme song from the 60s cartoon with the new word in place of Spider-Man. Then a whole song stems out from it. I forget how this one exactly started. I don’t remember if we were watching the Iron Man triathlon, or listening to the Black Sabbath song Iron Man or if we were discussing the comic book character Iron Man, but we came up with this song…

    Iron Man
    Iron Man
    Does whatever an iron can
    Presses pants
    Any size
    Fixes buttons
    And some flies
    Look out
    Here comes the Iron Man

    Is he strong?
    Listen bud
    He’s got iron in his blood
    Take a look
    Overhead
    If he falls on you
    You’ll be dead
    Look out
    Here comes the Iron Man

    And that’s about as talented as we are. We never finish the whole song. Yet, we were pretty pleased with ourselves, though.

    Right now, we’re collaborating on Weather Man. Just need to fine tune some things and we’ll be ready to go. And you can’t use just any word either. The description has to function as a noun as well. For instance, you can’t say Aquaman, Aquaman, does whatever an Aqua can. That’s just stupid. If you have any ideas for the Spider-Man song or any songs of your own, let me know.

  • However Much It Was, It Wasn’t Enough

    However Much It Was, It Wasn’t Enough

    Families of Columbine victims settle with gunmen’s parents:

    The terms of the settlement were undisclosed but listen to this quote…

    The families’ attorney, Barry Arrington, argued that the Klebolds and Harrises were liable for not being aware of or not doing anything about the gunplay and bombmaking activities of their sons.

    How anyone can disagree with that statement is beyond me. As far as I’m concerned, they should be charged with 13 counts of manslaughter, but unfortunately, life isn’t like Law and Order.

  • Tex Schramm

    Tex Schramm

    Former Cowboys GM Schramm dies:

    I hate the Dallas Cowboys. I always have and always will. Except for one.

    When I was a little kid, my dad used to take me to Philadelphia Eagles games all the time. Well, in one bitter Philly December, he took me to see the Eagles play the Cowboys. My dad knew someone in Vet Stadium security, so we used to get into the boxes but not the private heated ones.

    It was so cold that day, I felt like I was getting frostbite. My dad asked his friend in security to take me to someplace warm. He takes me to the box next door, which was heated.

    Now, my dad dressed me in head to toe Eagles’ green. Everyone in the box was in blue and silver. I didn’t care because I was warm. My dad’s friend took me down to an empty seat and asked the guy sitting next to it if it was ok if I sat there. The man said it was fine. Nicest guy I had ever met in my short life. He let me wear his gloves and got me some hot chocolate.

    The Eagles lost that day. So after the game, my dad came and got me and the man sitting next to me told my dad that he had a really nice boy here. My dad’s jaw dropped open, but he said thank you. After he left, my dad said, “Do you know who that was?”. I said yeah, that was Mr. Schramm. He was really nice to me. My dad said, “That was Tex Schramm, President of the Dallas Cowboys”.

    I’ve never forgotten that day. Thank you, Mr. Schramm, for showing a very cold Eagles fan (at the time) your generosity.

    My condolences go out to the Schramm family.

  • More Video Game Violence

    More Video Game Violence

    Games and Murder Bedfellows Again?:

    This is why most people think lawyers are scumbags. Some jerkass attorney from Florida is defending an Ohio teen accused of murder, so he can prove that violent video games caused him to kill.

    The victim was stabbed multiple times and had her skull fractured. I can’t think of one game where that’s an objective. If this defense actually works, it will open the floodgates for lawsuits. And that would be just as bad as the fat-asses who sue McDonald’s because they’re fat. And responsibility dies another death.

  • Parents arrested in Northbrook

    Parents arrested in Northbrook

    Two Adults, One Student Charged in Suburban Chicago Hazing Incident:

    Well, well, well. Look what we have here. Two parents arrested for providing minors with alcohol at the Northbrook “powder puff” hazing incident. Of course, the suspects are denying the allegations.

    Shouldn’t this be open and shut, though? I mean, how hard is it to track down someone who bought a keg? You have to leave a deposit, especially if you don’t have your own tap.

    Anyway, this is obviously a case of parents trying to be their children’s buddies rather than being parents. Do I even dare repeat myself? You need a license to own a dog, but any idiot can have a kid.

  • Ted made me do it

    Ted made me do it

    The Matrix Made Me Do It:

    It seems that The Matrix has a disturbing effect on some individuals.

    Apparently, some weak-minded fools have killed people because they claimed to be in “the matrix”. This concerns me because the latest killer mentioned owned a trench coat similar to the one Keanu Reeves wore in the first movie.

    Hopefully, I’m wrong, but I can just see another of these killings happening in a school where the movie gets blamed. Then the movie will be pulled off the shelves and honest trench coat wearing folk will be persecuted yet again. Anyway, if any Keanu Reeves movie should make you want to kill someone, it’s Sweet November.

  • Way to back pedal

    Way to back pedal

    School Offers Graduation Deal to Hazing Suspects:

    Just when I thought school officials at Glenbrook North High School had a pair, they’re now offering deals to the hazing suspects. If the students don’t fight expulsion or try to make money off the incident through a book deal or such, they’ll be allowed to graduate.

    I say screw’em. No deals. Expel them. No graduation. But of course, some students are not taking the deal. I guess they feel they did nothing wrong. One lawyer even said, “We believe Marnie was punished for conduct which the school has accepted and tolerated for 23 years.”

    Somehow, I don’t think the school accepted and tolerated beatings and covering students with feces and pig intestines. Hopefully, Cook County prosecutors won’t be so accommodating.

  • Satanic cult defense

    Satanic cult defense

    Defense: Satanic Cult May Have Killed Laci, Baby:

    You’re kidding me, right? So Scott Peterson’s defense team is offering up the “satanic cult” theory in Laci’s death. I thought these were supposed to be competent lawyers. Do they actually think that’s going to fly with the jury?

    So I guess Scott Peterson dyed his hair and was found with $10K in cash on his way to Mexico because he was trying to hide from the said cult. Give me a break. If he actually walks on this defense, I will personally lead the movement to have California removed from the country.

  • Charges Filed

    Charges Filed

    Hazing Students Charged With Misdemeanor Battery:

    Fifteen of the students involved with the Illinois “powder puff” hazing incident have been charged with misdemeanor battery. If found guilty, sentences could range from 364 days in prison to or court supervision. How much do you want to bet none of those kids even sniff a jail cell.

    Police are still looking for the jackass parents who provided the kegs. If they do find them, and they don’t serve any jail time, then there’s no hope for the legal system in this country.