TheTrenchcoat Chronicles

Author: Trench Reynolds

  • 2/8/04: From the Mail Sack

    2/8/04: From the Mail Sack

    Only one this week. Guess where it’s from. That’s right. It’s from my entry on the Eric Harris Journal…

    To Trench,

    Anyone who kills themselves is not a coward, it takes guts to do what they did. I admire them for taking a stand against the evils of American society, the only sad thing is that America has not learned from its mistakes and continues in its ways. never mind.

    Posted by: anon at February 3, 2004 02:19 PM

    The funny thing is. I don’t even have to respond to this one. A reader did it for me…

    Killing yourself doesn’t take guts. It’s the coward’s way out. These boys were too chicken to face what they did because they knew they’d rot in prison, so they killed themselves. They are the ones to blame for what they did. They knew what they were doing and knew the consequences for their actions and they alone were to blame. It’s a shame that so many kids had to lose their lives just because these boys were so messed up.

    Posted by: anonymous at February 5, 2004 01:10 AM

    I couldn’t agree more.

  • 2/1/04: From the mail sack

    2/1/04: From the mail sack

    I’ll talk about the Superbowl tomorrow. Right now, it’s time for mail.

    Of course, I got one about the Eric Harris journal….

    Eric and Dylan done it wrong……you dont randomly shoot…..you aim for the fuckers whop drove you too it….that said……they arent to blame…the school system is to blame….the adults who were meant to be protecting both the murderers and their victims are to blame.The parents,teachers…..Eric and Dylan are far from any blame if you can put yourself into their mindstate…….after suffering at the hands of mindless,selfish,selt centred conformists for so long …being teased and ridiculed for being ‘abnormal’ of course one day you will finally snap…and do any of you reading this actually think that when Dylan and Eric pulled the triggers they were thinking ‘Dont hurt innocent people….”…..Of course they werent!THEY were the innocents in the first place corrupted by society and driven to the massacre by the neglect of the school system and the cruelty of the other ‘normal’ students….So many of us every single day think of doing the same as Eric and Dylan did…..but we dont…..maybe we havnt yet reached that breaking point?Maybe we cant get the guns?How exactly DID they get those guns?I know how but HOW!How could that have been allowed to happen?HOW is it that the schools in America afterwards have (from what Ive heard) not taken the hint….and have (apparently….i live in europe so I cant say for sure…this is just what Ive read) cracked the whip down on kids they deem as being part of an alternative culture?Suppressing these kids(kids like me….kids like my friends….kids like Eric and Dylan) will only fuel their(our) hatred further.How many more Columbines will there be before people realise?How many more Dylan’s and Eric’s must emerge before society will accept that the freaks have feelings too?How many more people will die next time?Ill be bringing Columbine to the attention of the people running my school….but will they listen?No….theyl sit back and watch as the bullets fly and the bodies drop then after its all said and done…..theyl blame Marilyn Manson

    PEACE love EMPATHY

    x X x

    Posted by: Emma at January 28, 2004 09:27 AM

    Oh, for the love of God, can we get over the “blame society” crap already? Believe it or not kids, everyone is responsible for their own actions, fucked up childhood or not. They took up guns, they shot and killed people who had nothing to do with them at random. Yeah, they may have been harassed for being different. So were a lot of other people through the course of time. But how many times do I have to say it? That’s no reason to kill people. To all you people who insist on writing me to spew your crap about how great they were, I really feel sorry for you.

    And again from the Eric Harris journal entry…

    I AM 26 YEARS OLD….I AM AN ARTIST AND A MUSICIAN….AND I AM ALSO A PARRENT OF TWO BEUTIFUL CHILDREN. I WAS ALSO PICKED ON FURIOUSLY IN ALL MY YEARS OF SCHOOL WHICH FORCED ME TO DROP OUT. AND I ALSO REMEMBER WANTING TO KILL MANY PEOPLE IN MY SCHOOL JUST THE WAY ERIC AND DYLAN DID….I DID’T….ONLY FOR THE FACT THAT I DID NOT HAVE ACCESS TO GUNS. I FEEL MUCH SYMPATHY FOR THE VICTIMS OF COLUMBINE….BUT TO SAY THAT ERIC AND DYLAN ARE SCUM BAGS…. YOU ARE AN IGNORANT FUCK AND YOU WILL BE JUDGED BY GOD…… GOOD LUCK!

    Posted by: LONNNIE at January 27, 2004 02:53 AM

    *sigh* They killed 13 people. Maybe you should seek professional help to deal with those feelings of killing people you have. I need a macro that says, “A lot of us were picked on in school, but we DIDN’T KILL ANYBODY!!!!!!!!!” Remember people, murder is wrong. I feel sorry for your kids.

  • 1/26/04: From the Mail Sack.

    1/26/04: From the Mail Sack.

    I know. I know. It’s Monday and I haven’t gotten to the mail yet. Well, your hero was stranded in an undisclosed location due to the winter storm here in the Carolinas. We’re expecting some freezing rain, so I may be absent again. So to make up for lost time, here’s the mail.

    Can a week go by where I don’t get a comment or e-mail about Columbine?

    I think that you people aren’t looking at why people look at the boys are heros,alot of kids MILLIONS of kids are torcherd in school for being different,and no one not even a teacher does a damn thing. In school there was a girl who beat me up and consantly picked on me to no end. She sits in jail now because she murdered a women with her car repeatedly running her over. Or the girl who lied and said i called her a nigger so she could get away with busting my nose in class while I got suspended for something I would never say. Yu all seem like the type of people who tormented me and my friends in school,I ended up graduating a year and a half yearly to get away from those people.Out in the real world,I am considered a creative and artistic prodigy,who are you to judge what you don’t understand?

    you wanna bitch at me or tell me you think I am wrong with valide points (not oh you are a dmubass) email me

    Posted by: althea_farmer at January 18, 2004 07:22 PM

    Obvious spelling errors aside let me tell you something, Miss Farmer. I and many of my readers were harassed and tortured in school. BUT WE DIDN’T SHOOT UP A SCHOOL.

    I’m sorry you had such a rough time of it in school, but again, it’s no reason to kill 13 people. Those two little mutants were not heroes. They were cowards for hiding behind a gun.

    And let me just say to all the kids in school right now who are thinking about some kind of school violence. It’s not worth it. High school is just a blip on the timeline of your existence. Once you graduate, you’ll never have to deal with those people ever again. I hated high school. But once I got out, I got over it. And I haven’t seen anyone from there in over 10 years.

    This was from my entry about the Mepham football players being sentenced.

    I’m a teacher at Mepham and I stumbled onto your website. Do you really believe that if those boys were sentenced to an adult facility they would have been rehabilitated? As americans, we have to trust in our system and judicial system, and believe that they know what is right.

    Posted by: rather not say at January 19, 2004 09:57 AM

    See. This is what’s wrong with our public school system in America. Screwed up priorities. It isn’t about rehabilitating the offenders. It’s about punishing them. By all definitions, they raped these kids. I guess since they were the star athletes that it’s ok. If you really are a teacher at Mepham, you should hand in your resignation. If you were teaching my kids, I’d have them pulled out of your school.

    This one was from my entry from when Bowling for Columbine was released.

    hey u fuckers are dumb this shit u type on here is all bullshit get a girl friend and stop waisting your time looking up porn on the net and get a life

    Posted by: Jason at January 19, 2004 03:47 PM

    Um…I don’t know what that has to do with the movie unless this guy is a Michael Moore fan. That would explain a lot.

  • Poe is still dead…forevermore

    Poe is still dead…forevermore

    Man Reluctantly Leaves French Cognac To Toast Poe:

    Dammit to hell. I missed it again. One of these years, hopefully before I die, I will go to Poe’s grave to see the mysterious stranger.

  • Mepham Sentencing

    Mepham Sentencing

    JUDGE SLAMS MEPHAM HAZERS:

    The 3 football players from Mepham High in Long Island were sentenced today for sodomizing younger teammates in a hazing attack with broomsticks, golf balls, and pine cones.

    One was sent to a boot camp, the other to a juvenile detention facility, and the third got probation after providing prosecutors with information.

    On the one hand, the punishment sort of fits the crime because in boot camp and juvenile hall they’ll be able to find out what it’s like to be intimidated by someone bigger than you or in a position of authority over you.

    On the other hand, the punishment isn’t enough. For all intents and purposes, they raped their younger teammates. Poetic justice would have been trying them as adults and putting them in a real prison where they can have a whole array of objects rectally inserted into them.

    These rapists will get out eventually. The victims have to live with this their entire lives. Hopefully, they’re in facilities like the one in the movie Sleepers.

  • The 2003 Trenchie Awards

    The 2003 Trenchie Awards

    To close out the year that sucked much ass, I bring you the 3rd annual Trenchie awards. Pickings were slim this year as I didn’t do a whole lot this year. So let’s get this over with.

    Best Move I’ve Seen This Year: Not a banner year for movies as I’m not a LOTR geek, but I’ll have to give it to 28 Days Later. A nice little twist on the zombie/apocalypse theme.

    Worst Movie I’ve Seen This Year: Highlander: Endgame. You do not kill Connor MacLeod. He is THE Highlander. Blasphemers.

    Best Album of the Year: Life is Killing Me by Type O Negative. I think that’s the best album title ever. Strong album too. A healthy mix of the previous 4 albums.

    Worst Album of the Year: Dance of Death by Iron Maiden. Lame title. Lame cover. Lame album. And I’m a huge Maiden fan. A big disappointment considering how much I liked Brave New World.

    Best TV Show of the Year: 24. Duh.

    Worst TV Show of the Year: The Simple Life. Reality shows suck in general, but does anyone really give a rats ass about these two skanks if their clothes are on?

    Best Wrestling Moment of the Year: When the ring collapsed after Brock Lesnar superplexed The Big Show. Total holy shit moment.

    Worst Wrestling Moment of the Year: When Kane attached jumper cables to Shane O Mac’s balls. I can only suspend my belief in reality for so much.

    Best Video Game of the Year: While other people were shooting up Vice City, I was destroying a major Japanese city in Robotic Alchemic Drive by Enix. I mean, what’s cooler than giant transforming robots destroying cities while they fight each other? It’s a hard game to find, so pick it up if you see it.

    Worst Video Game of the Year: Simpson’s Skateboarding. Another failed attempt in the long line of sucky Simpsons games. Tony Hawk, it ain’t.

    Best Movie Line of the Year: No winner this year. Nothing sticks out in my head as I write this, plus I didn’t see a whole lot of movies this year. Unless you count the beginning of 28 Days Later, when they were experimenting on the monkey and were making it watch violent television while keeping its eyes pried open. I turned to my wife and said…”Heh…Clockwork Banana.”

    Biggest Dumbass of the Year: War protesters. Get a job, you filthy hippies.

    Most Inane Political Agenda of the Year: After missing the mark in 2002 PETA is back in 2003 with PETA complaining that Arab terrorists were using donkeys to deliver suicide bombs. They didn’t care about the people being killed, just the donkeys.

    Biggest Jackass Celebrity of the Year: So many to choose from this year. With Natalie Maines and Jeneane Garafolo coming in a close second, but no one can even touch the jackassery that is Michael Moore. His offenses are too numerous to even try to list here.

    Happy New Year, everyone. I’m off to see the possum drop.

  • 12/28/03 From the Mail Sack

    12/28/03 From the Mail Sack

    Hope everyone had a nice Christmas/Hanukah. It’s Sunday so let’s dip into the hate mail shall we?

    From my entry on the Eric Harris journal…

    Eric and Dylan, although they were sick, were driven to the edge by society, so don’t fucking blame the parents. I hate all you fucks who blame everything on the parents, and the kids. Society is the sick bastard here, not Eric and Dylan.

    Posted by: Anarchist Mafia 627 at November 29, 2003 10:24 PM

    Here we go. Blame society. I guess I have to say it again. If the parents had just kept a better eye on their mutant children, this tragedy would have been averted and the innocent people that they directly and indirectly killed would still be alive today. I can only dream that those two rat bastards would still be dead by some suicide pact or something.

    From the same entry (go figure)…

    It’s so long ago, and it didn’t even happen where I live. Yet what happenend on Columbine that day is on my mind every day. Eric and Dylan touched me deep inside. I wonder what must have gone through their minds the 20th, and what they were thinking when they turned the guns on themselves. All I can do is relate. Relate to what they have gone through every day of their fuckig lives. Because of humans. Humans who place the blame entirly on them and their parents. Come one, wake up. Hate comes back to you. In my eyes, everybody got what they deserved. And Eric and Dylan died as symbols of wrath. They left this cruel world in victory…

    Posted by raven at November 17, 2003 06:33 AM

    If those two little cowardly shits touched you deep inside, then you have no fucking soul whatsoever. You know what went through their minds on the 20th? Hot lead. They didn’t leave this world in victory. They left it as two sniveling little cowards hiding behind guns because they didn’t have the balls to do anything else.

    These people who worship these two scumbags need to be rounded up and institutionalized. They obviously lost the mental capacity to be a contributing member to this or any society.

  • The Trench Reynolds Charity

    The Trench Reynolds Charity


    If I could get serious for a moment…

    (lights dim and soft music plays)

    My name is Trench Reynolds. And we here at The Trench Reynolds Internet Media Empire start thinking about giving during this time of the year. So we’ve come up with a program to help needy children.

    You see, thousands of inner-city youths do not have proper clothing for winter, nor do they have any training to learn a trade. That’s where we come in.

    For just a small donation of $50, you can send an underprivileged youth on an excursion to Alaska, where they will learn to club baby seals and skin them. They will also be given to know how to make their own coat out of the baby seal skin.

    For a donation of $100, they will be taken on a whaling excursion where they will harpoon their own whale or possibly dolphin.

    And if you become a golden double secret extra crispy member by donating $500, one special child will know the joys of throwing toy poodles into a chipper shredder.

    So please make all checks out to Club All Seals Heavily. Or just use the acronym CASH. So please give today because a live baby seal means a child is without a coat. Thank you.

    The preceding was brought to you by Politically Incorrect Sarcasm Serving Offended Frumpy Families (PISSOFF). Which means this is a joke and don’t send me any hate mail.

  • 12/23/03 News of Mepham

    12/23/03 News of Mepham

    Inside Mepham Football Camp:

    The fact that a Pennsylvania judge would try these rapists as juveniles is beyond me, especially after such acts as…

    Witnesses and victims say the varsity players also targeted a black player with racial epithets repeatedly during camp, forcing the victims and other junior varsity players to put on white sheets and scream things like ‘we’re gonna lynch you, — ‘ and “the Klan is back.”

    Someone had grabbed the broomstick already from the corner of the cabin and slathered the handle with mineral ice. The boy struggled, but two other varsity players, a junior and a senior who was a team co-captain, held him down.

    Twenty-four hours later, about 1 p.m., the senior captain attacked the junior varsity player with duct tape, ripping the hair off his right leg, then his left, off his eyebrows and his armpits. Then, the senior handed the roll of tape to one of the juniors, who pulled the boy’s shorts down and used the tape to tear his pubic hair.

    The three admitted attackers ordered another junior varsity player to sodomize the boy with a broomstick. When the other player resisted, they threatened to do the same to him.

    Ten minutes later, they sodomized the other player anyway. The senior and one of the juniors held that boy down as he was sodomized with a pine cone covered with mineral ice. Then, using the broomstick, they sodomized him with a golf ball

    These are not the acts of juveniles. These are the acts of rapists that deserve to be in prison. Again, I say the karma train was derailed. And again, I am still waiting for just one athlete to come forward and defend this kind of forced sodomy as just good fun. Until then, I’ll be making my way to the North Pole.

    Thanks to Bad Jocks for the Mepham Link.

  • No Justice in Mepham

    No Justice in Mepham

    Mepham Teens To Be Tried As Juveniles:

    This makes me absolutely ill. The karma train was derailed today when a Pennsylvania judge, Robert J. Conway, ruled that the three Mepham High football players who sodomized their younger teammates with pine cones, golf balls, and broomsticks, will not be tried as adults.

    This is sending a dangerous message to athletic programs across the country. It’s ok to forcibly sodomize your teammates. You won’t go to jail for it. 16 and 17 are old enough to know that when you put a pine cone in someone’s ass who doesn’t want it there, that it’s wrong.

    So these kids, after raping three younger teammates, will probably do no time and have their records wiped clean when they turn 18. This literally is a travesty of justice. To make matters worse, the cowardly judge issued a gag order so we may never know the reasons he had behind his idiotic decision. Once again, victims’ rights are thrown under the bus. Fuck you, Your Honor. Or should I say Your Dis-honor?

    (Still waiting for an athlete to come forward and defend sodomy as hazing)