Man Reluctantly Leaves French Cognac To Toast Poe:
Dammit to hell. I missed it again. One of these years, hopefully before I die, I will go to Poe’s grave to see the mysterious stranger.
Author: Trench Reynolds
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Mepham Sentencing
The 3 football players from Mepham High in Long Island were sentenced today for sodomizing younger teammates in a hazing attack with broomsticks, golf balls, and pine cones.
One was sent to a boot camp, the other to a juvenile detention facility, and the third got probation after providing prosecutors with information.
On the one hand, the punishment sort of fits the crime because in boot camp and juvenile hall they’ll be able to find out what it’s like to be intimidated by someone bigger than you or in a position of authority over you.
On the other hand, the punishment isn’t enough. For all intents and purposes, they raped their younger teammates. Poetic justice would have been trying them as adults and putting them in a real prison where they can have a whole array of objects rectally inserted into them.
These rapists will get out eventually. The victims have to live with this their entire lives. Hopefully, they’re in facilities like the one in the movie Sleepers.
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The 2003 Trenchie Awards
To close out the year that sucked much ass, I bring you the 3rd annual Trenchie awards. Pickings were slim this year as I didn’t do a whole lot this year. So let’s get this over with.
Best Move I’ve Seen This Year: Not a banner year for movies as I’m not a LOTR geek, but I’ll have to give it to 28 Days Later. A nice little twist on the zombie/apocalypse theme.
Worst Movie I’ve Seen This Year: Highlander: Endgame. You do not kill Connor MacLeod. He is THE Highlander. Blasphemers.
Best Album of the Year: Life is Killing Me by Type O Negative. I think that’s the best album title ever. Strong album too. A healthy mix of the previous 4 albums.
Worst Album of the Year: Dance of Death by Iron Maiden. Lame title. Lame cover. Lame album. And I’m a huge Maiden fan. A big disappointment considering how much I liked Brave New World.
Best TV Show of the Year: 24. Duh.
Worst TV Show of the Year: The Simple Life. Reality shows suck in general, but does anyone really give a rats ass about these two skanks if their clothes are on?
Best Wrestling Moment of the Year: When the ring collapsed after Brock Lesnar superplexed The Big Show. Total holy shit moment.
Worst Wrestling Moment of the Year: When Kane attached jumper cables to Shane O Mac’s balls. I can only suspend my belief in reality for so much.
Best Video Game of the Year: While other people were shooting up Vice City, I was destroying a major Japanese city in Robotic Alchemic Drive by Enix. I mean, what’s cooler than giant transforming robots destroying cities while they fight each other? It’s a hard game to find, so pick it up if you see it.
Worst Video Game of the Year: Simpson’s Skateboarding. Another failed attempt in the long line of sucky Simpsons games. Tony Hawk, it ain’t.
Best Movie Line of the Year: No winner this year. Nothing sticks out in my head as I write this, plus I didn’t see a whole lot of movies this year. Unless you count the beginning of 28 Days Later, when they were experimenting on the monkey and were making it watch violent television while keeping its eyes pried open. I turned to my wife and said…”Heh…Clockwork Banana.”
Biggest Dumbass of the Year: War protesters. Get a job, you filthy hippies.
Most Inane Political Agenda of the Year: After missing the mark in 2002 PETA is back in 2003 with PETA complaining that Arab terrorists were using donkeys to deliver suicide bombs. They didn’t care about the people being killed, just the donkeys.
Biggest Jackass Celebrity of the Year: So many to choose from this year. With Natalie Maines and Jeneane Garafolo coming in a close second, but no one can even touch the jackassery that is Michael Moore. His offenses are too numerous to even try to list here.
Happy New Year, everyone. I’m off to see the possum drop.
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12/28/03 From the Mail Sack
Hope everyone had a nice Christmas/Hanukah. It’s Sunday so let’s dip into the hate mail shall we?
From my entry on the Eric Harris journal…
Eric and Dylan, although they were sick, were driven to the edge by society, so don’t fucking blame the parents. I hate all you fucks who blame everything on the parents, and the kids. Society is the sick bastard here, not Eric and Dylan.
Posted by: Anarchist Mafia 627 at November 29, 2003 10:24 PM
Here we go. Blame society. I guess I have to say it again. If the parents had just kept a better eye on their mutant children, this tragedy would have been averted and the innocent people that they directly and indirectly killed would still be alive today. I can only dream that those two rat bastards would still be dead by some suicide pact or something.
From the same entry (go figure)…
It’s so long ago, and it didn’t even happen where I live. Yet what happenend on Columbine that day is on my mind every day. Eric and Dylan touched me deep inside. I wonder what must have gone through their minds the 20th, and what they were thinking when they turned the guns on themselves. All I can do is relate. Relate to what they have gone through every day of their fuckig lives. Because of humans. Humans who place the blame entirly on them and their parents. Come one, wake up. Hate comes back to you. In my eyes, everybody got what they deserved. And Eric and Dylan died as symbols of wrath. They left this cruel world in victory…
Posted by raven at November 17, 2003 06:33 AM
If those two little cowardly shits touched you deep inside, then you have no fucking soul whatsoever. You know what went through their minds on the 20th? Hot lead. They didn’t leave this world in victory. They left it as two sniveling little cowards hiding behind guns because they didn’t have the balls to do anything else.
These people who worship these two scumbags need to be rounded up and institutionalized. They obviously lost the mental capacity to be a contributing member to this or any society.
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The Trench Reynolds Charity
If I could get serious for a moment…(lights dim and soft music plays)
My name is Trench Reynolds. And we here at The Trench Reynolds Internet Media Empire start thinking about giving during this time of the year. So we’ve come up with a program to help needy children.
You see, thousands of inner-city youths do not have proper clothing for winter, nor do they have any training to learn a trade. That’s where we come in.
For just a small donation of $50, you can send an underprivileged youth on an excursion to Alaska, where they will learn to club baby seals and skin them. They will also be given to know how to make their own coat out of the baby seal skin.
For a donation of $100, they will be taken on a whaling excursion where they will harpoon their own whale or possibly dolphin.
And if you become a golden double secret extra crispy member by donating $500, one special child will know the joys of throwing toy poodles into a chipper shredder.
So please make all checks out to Club All Seals Heavily. Or just use the acronym CASH. So please give today because a live baby seal means a child is without a coat. Thank you.
The preceding was brought to you by Politically Incorrect Sarcasm Serving Offended Frumpy Families (PISSOFF). Which means this is a joke and don’t send me any hate mail.
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12/23/03 News of Mepham
The fact that a Pennsylvania judge would try these rapists as juveniles is beyond me, especially after such acts as…
Witnesses and victims say the varsity players also targeted a black player with racial epithets repeatedly during camp, forcing the victims and other junior varsity players to put on white sheets and scream things like ‘we’re gonna lynch you, — ‘ and “the Klan is back.”
Someone had grabbed the broomstick already from the corner of the cabin and slathered the handle with mineral ice. The boy struggled, but two other varsity players, a junior and a senior who was a team co-captain, held him down.
Twenty-four hours later, about 1 p.m., the senior captain attacked the junior varsity player with duct tape, ripping the hair off his right leg, then his left, off his eyebrows and his armpits. Then, the senior handed the roll of tape to one of the juniors, who pulled the boy’s shorts down and used the tape to tear his pubic hair.
The three admitted attackers ordered another junior varsity player to sodomize the boy with a broomstick. When the other player resisted, they threatened to do the same to him.
Ten minutes later, they sodomized the other player anyway. The senior and one of the juniors held that boy down as he was sodomized with a pine cone covered with mineral ice. Then, using the broomstick, they sodomized him with a golf ball
These are not the acts of juveniles. These are the acts of rapists that deserve to be in prison. Again, I say the karma train was derailed. And again, I am still waiting for just one athlete to come forward and defend this kind of forced sodomy as just good fun. Until then, I’ll be making my way to the North Pole.
Thanks to Bad Jocks for the Mepham Link.
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No Justice in Mepham
Mepham Teens To Be Tried As Juveniles:
This makes me absolutely ill. The karma train was derailed today when a Pennsylvania judge, Robert J. Conway, ruled that the three Mepham High football players who sodomized their younger teammates with pine cones, golf balls, and broomsticks, will not be tried as adults.
This is sending a dangerous message to athletic programs across the country. It’s ok to forcibly sodomize your teammates. You won’t go to jail for it. 16 and 17 are old enough to know that when you put a pine cone in someone’s ass who doesn’t want it there, that it’s wrong.
So these kids, after raping three younger teammates, will probably do no time and have their records wiped clean when they turn 18. This literally is a travesty of justice. To make matters worse, the cowardly judge issued a gag order so we may never know the reasons he had behind his idiotic decision. Once again, victims’ rights are thrown under the bus. Fuck you, Your Honor. Or should I say Your Dis-honor?
(Still waiting for an athlete to come forward and defend sodomy as hazing)
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Mail Sack Sunday
Only one this week.
it wasn’t the parents fault that Dylan and Eric went on their rampage. it was the fuckin schools fault. the bullying and ridiculling never stopped because no one ever did any thing about it. if they would have done something about it this might not have happened. i dont know why the jocks were making fun of them. i guess because they think they are better than everyone else. why the fuck do they think they are better than everyone else? because they wear a fuckin jock strap all the fuckin time. who the hell wants dental floss up their ass? probably the creator of this website. go to hell FAGGOT!!!
Posted by: kristen at November 5, 2003 08:15 PM
See the mentality of the mutants I have to deal with. How many times do I have to explain this? Yes, the school could have prevented what happened. But it would have been much easier if their parents had just looked in the garage. They had an arsenal in their house, the school didn’t.
Yeah, the jocks may have been harassing them. But if it wasn’t that, it would have been something else that set them off. It all comes down to the fact that they were two mentally deranged little fucks who their parents didn’t care enough to check up on them. In summation, get some help you sick fucking bitch. Obviously, your parents don’t give a shit about you, either.
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From the Mail Sack
We get letters…
From my entry on the Eric Harris journal…
Well done Eric and dylan. I am very proud of you both and I hope people will be proud of me soon. I am going to do exactly what you did only I am going to kill EVERYONE in my school. I will aim for the heads and the propane bomb that I have made will go off when it is supposed to. Watch the news on the 18th of February ‘cos it’s gone to be a blast – so to speak – when I get back at those little fucking bastards and I hope that I get the same respect as Eric and Dylan. RESPECT 2 YOU GUYS. Hope the school mourns forever.HAHA. Fuck UR wife.Fuck UR kids and FUCK EVERYONE.
Posted by: Cheryl at October 23, 2003 08:41 AM
I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. Even if this isn’t a legitimate threat, you are one sick bitch for even joking around like that. Threats like that can land you in jail. For reasons, I can’t get into right now, that’s all I can say about that one.
This one from the same person from another post…
What the fuck is wrong with Eric and Dylan’s parents? It isn’t their fault! How many people would honestly expect their kids, no matter how depressed, would blow up their school. Mine wouldn’t! So for all the idiots out there who are blaming the parents, don’t. Eric and Dylan may have killed people but at least they had a reason. Leave the parents alone ‘cos they have lost their kids too.
Posted by: Cheryl at October 24, 2003 06:20 AM
Now this one I can comment on. I’ll tell you what’s wrong with their parents. They weren’t doing their job and because of it, 13 people are dead. I don’t give a rat’s ass that they lost their kids. If they did a better job of keeping up with their own damn kids, at least 13 people would be alive today. They had an arsenal in their own garage, for crying out loud. If that’s not bad parenting, then I don’t know what is.
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Columbine Rampart Range Tape Released
Columbine Killers Documented Training on Tape:
A videotape of the two cowardly Columbine Killers, Harris and Klebold, was released today, showing them shooting bowling pins and talking about what it would be like to kill real people. The tape was made 6 weeks prior to the Columbine massacre. Let me just quote the article…
The disturbing, 15-minute tape shows Klebold, Harris, another young man and a young woman doing target practice at a makeshift shooting range in a forested area in Douglas County, Colo.
The group can be seen firing several rounds from rifles, shotguns and a 9 mm semiautomatic pistol at bowling pins, trees, and other targets. Police said some of the weapons were used in the Columbine attack.
They can be heard laughing, joking and making cavalier comments about what it would be like if the bowling pins were human heads or bodies.
The video, taken on a shaky handheld camera on a snow-covered hillside in a national forest southwest of Denver, is the first made by the gunmen themselves to be released to the public.
Klebold at one point holds a sawed-off shotgun and shoots from the hip at a bowling pin wedged between two tree limbs. He and Harris then look at a bullet-shredded tree trunk.
Harris also blows across the muzzle of a shotgun like a gunslinger. At least four different weapons are used in the tape.
And the best one of all…
The videotape has never before been made public, though Brooks Brown, one of Klebold’s friends and the son of Judy and Randy Brown, told Fox News that several people had told him the tape was shown before the massacre in Harris’ and Klebold’s video class.
How many more signs did they need? This will go down in history as the most preventable tragedy of our time. I mean, between Eric Harris’ journal, his problems with the law, and now this? How much more fucking obvious could it have been to their parents? All they had to do was look in their garage. If they had, more than 13 people would be alive today instead of just being memories. But with any luck, Harris and Klebold would have killed themselves anyway.