Once again, Senator Sam Brownback is attempting to push his Truth in Video Game Rating Act.
For those unfamiliar with the act, it would require the ESRB to review the entire content of a game before it could be rated. (Currently they make their assessment based on a demonstration of the game provided by the game’s developer.)
And oh, there are so many things wrong with this, I don’t even know where to begin. But I’ll give it a shot.
First, who’s going to be paying these reviewers? The government? Santa Clause?
Next, what about games that have multiple endings? It took me two years to see every ending of Chrono Trigger. And I’m still not certain I got them all. What about a game like Indigo Prophecy, where every little action you take can result in slightly (or significantly) different dialogue later down the road?
What about easter eggs? Oh, wait, we’re making them illegal.
The bill would prohibit video game producers and distributors from withholding or hiding playable content from a ratings organization.
And it gets better.
In addition to the new FTC rules, the bill commissions a Government Accountability Office study to determine the efficacy of the industry’s ESRB ratings system and the potential for an independent rating system that would be controlled by parties with no financial interest in the industry.
This is, obviously, still fallout from the Hot Coffee thing. Senator, please, buy a clue. Hot Coffee was the exception, not the rule. There is nothing wrong with the ESRB as it is run today.
And last, we have this little gem:
The GAO study would also review the potential advantages of a universal ratings system for television, movies, and video games.
Right, because the three forms of media are so similar.
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There’s still no bill about assclown parents who buy M rated games for underage kids.
I still recall one of those moments. It was the tail end of the Super Nintendo era, so we’re talking ancient history.
I was maybe in middle school. It’s been a while, don’t remember. Anyhoo. A woman at the local Wal-Mart, holding a copy of one of the Mortal Kombat games, was asking the employee in the electronics section of the store how hard it was to learn. Apparently, she wasn’t convinced her son would be able to play it.
So, of course, the employee asks her how old her son is.
“He’s 4.”
Now, granted, the Mortal Kombat thing was way overhyped. Compared to modern games, it’s not so bad. But still. These are the type of people in our country that are *reproducing*.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.